I'm not one to super celebrate Valentine's Day, but there was a story on NPR today that I wanted to celebrate. It's a great interview with a school counselor, Phyllis Fagell, about why and how we talk with young people about love and relationships that hit on so many of the points I want people to understand about teens and the scope of sexuality education. Love and navigating relationships are super important to teens (which shouldn't seem surprising if you were a teen once) and something that should be part of how we talk with them about sexuality. Young people learn about relationships from a variety of places ranging from their families to the media. And the messages they receive also range, from healthy to unhealthy.
The majority of sexuality education focuses on prevention. Prevention of pregnancy and sexuality transmitted infections, not the prevention of broken hearts. I think part of that is the limitations of how people conceptualize healthy sexuality, and part of it is how adults think about teen relationships. Based on conversations with adults and teens, it seems like adults often think teen relationships are temporary or not serious. A dangerous thing about thinking that way is that it ignores how sexual decision-making is influenced by relationships, and it can lead to dismissal of concerns young people have about unhealthy or abusive relationships. Talking about relationships and love also just plain honors the intelligence and independence of young people, as Fagell points out. Fagell also has some wonderful advice about how to talk about the topic without infringing on family values, talking with younger teens, and for parents on how to broach the topic of relationships. Check it out!